Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I woke up yesterday with the realization that nothing will ever change unless *I* make it happen. 

For the past year, I’ve been looking at myself and I’ve come to realize that I’ve been unhappy with who I am and what I’ve become.  The care that I used to take with my appearance was gone.  I looked and felt like a slob.  It wasn’t just that I was overweight, it was that I also lost that healthy glow and that sparkle that I used to have.  I was tired all time, I rarely got out of my sweatpants or pajamas.  I kept telling myself that I didn’t want to buy new clothes because I was going to lose weight one day — and I just couldn’t face buying close in my size.

My marriage suffered, my personal life suffered, and so did my self-esteem.  I turned to food for comfort in times of stress and depression.  I ate when I was unhappy and the more I ate, the more I gained — and the vicious cycle continued.

My husband had a serious talk with me about a year ago – and I felt as thought I had to lose weight — for him.  So I half-heartedly made a plan and started exercising. 

One of the best things that I did during this time was to stop drinking soda and coffee.  This was a HUGE ordeal for me.  I used to drink at least 2-3 sodas a day and at least one cup of coffee every morning.  I told myself I needed the caffeine pick-me-up or I needed the perk from the sugar.  I started drinking tea instead and now I usually only drink water during the day.  I’ll have a cup of green or herbal tea every now and then for breakfast or in the evening.

Over the past year, I lost about 15 pounds and I’ve managed to keep it off.  But the whole time, my heart just wasn’t in it.  I wanted to be healthier, but I felt like I had to lose weight to make my husband happy.  I was still unhappy with who I was.

I spent a lot of time researching and reading about healthier lifestyles and while it sounded good in theory, I always seemed to have a problem actually applying what I had learned.

My portion sizes were huge compared to what I was supposed to be eating.  I never got that comforting “full” feeling when I would eat these measly portions — and that comfort was what I craved.  

I’ve also always had something of a sweet tooth.  I LOVE chocolate and have trouble holding back from these crazy irrational cravings for chocolate.  I’d always give in – with the thought that if my body was telling me I wanted it, maybe my body needed it.

Recently, my thoughts have started to change.  I just had my 30th birthday a week ago and with that, the realization that I’m getting older.  There’s no reason for me to be in the worse shape of my life — after all, isn’t the 30s supposed to be the new 20s?

With my ideas starting to change, I took my husband’s advice and went to the store to go clothing shopping.  I put aside my shame at the large size and took a good look at women that were even larger than I was — and how some of them really looked great!  So I picked out some clothes that flattered me and as I admired myself in them, I felt the first stirrings of something that I had lost.

I felt pretty.  I felt as though I could look good again — no matter what size I was!  I started adding accessories to my outfit and taking the time to put on makeup again.  And I realized that this was what I had lost — pride in myself and my self-esteem. 

I talked to my husband about joining a gym.  I’ve always been scared of large gyms — they intimidate me.  I always see these gorgeous men and women coming into and out of these large establishments and I believed that you had to already be in shape to join a gym.

My husband expressed some interest and said that he would like to get healthy too.  Unfortunately, my husband tends to be one of those people that usually puts things on the back burner and never gets around to actually doing them.  He’s been complaining about the softness of our mattress for the past three years — but he hasn’t bothered going to the store to look for a new one. 

I called around to different health clubs to get information about pricing and what the different gyms offered.  One of them was right down the street from where we lived and I knew that I had more of a chance of getting off my butt and going to one that was close by rather than traveling all the way across town.

I told my husband that I wanted to go and take a tour of the gym and he agreed, but then told me that his back was hurting too much from the mattress to go that day.  He told me that he would go with me another day.  

I’ve heard this before and know that it rarely happens and that while getting healthy is a nice idea, it’s not one of his priorities.   But I agreed and then left the house to go run some other errands.  While I was in the car driving around, I had a revelation.

Nothing would ever change unless *I* made it happen.

I turned my car around and drove straight to the gym.  Naturally shy, this was shocking for me to do.  I pulled right into the enormous gym (my husband calls it a compound) and walked right inside to the skinny, perky blonde at the front desk. 

I didn’t care if I wasn’t in good enough shape enough to join.  I didn’t care if I was the largest person to ever walk through that door.  I didn’t care what anyone else thought of me in that moment.  All I knew was that I was going to make a change — starting RIGHT NOW.

I took a tour of the facility and made an appointment with a personal trainer to show me how to operate the machines.  I was ecstatic!  There were people of all ages and sizes in the gym.  I didn’t see an ocean of men and women with their lean and hard bronzed bodies (well, there were a few of them).  For the most part, these were ordinary people like me that wanted to be healthy too!!!

Thrilled, I signed up my entire family right then and there.  While the practical part of me realized that my husband will probably rarely, if ever, take advantage of this — the hopeful part of me wanted us to do this as a family.  This was not going to be a quick little diet.  This was going to be a lifestyle change.  Whether or not anyone else was willing to participate, *I* was going to do it.

When I went home and told my husband what I had done, he stared at me blankly for a few minutes.  I spread out all my papers that I had received and talked about all the wonderful features that our new membership offered.  After I finished telling him everything, his only response was, “Wow.  This sounds like a lot of work.”

I wasn’t going to be daunted.  This wasn’t work.  This had nothing to do with work.  This was a tool that I could use to help me get in shape — in a fun way!  The classes looked exciting and there were so many different machines that I could hardly wait to get started!

I had finally made the decision – I want to lose weight and become healthy for ME.